Just because it doesn't effect me, doesn't mean that I want you to have it!

As a born again Libertarian, I live by a very simple motto.  "If it doesn't break my leg or pick my pocket, I don't care."  What this means is that if it doesn't hurt me physically or mentally, and if I don't have to pay for it, then I really don't care what you do.  I find this philosophy extremely freeing and allows me to have a very easy yard stick to guarantee that I will afford to all others the maximum amount of freedom that I can.  It is really the epitome of what this country was founded upon.  That everybody would be able to do what their hearts and conscience tells them to, and to follow those dreams that they have.

It's funny that I live in a state that is considered one of the most conservative in the United States.  However, they have proven time and time again that they are huge believers in freedom, as long as it is a freedom that they believe in.  As long as what you want to do falls within their religious/political frame work you are good to go.  As I have blogged in the past, the legislature in Utah is labeled by people such as myself as the Mormon Taliban.  They have no problem instituting their own form of Sharia Law and legislating morals.  They will also fight tooth and nail to fight against any thing that they feel is against God's law.  I will say that they don't stone people or kill anyone who is "sinning" (at least any more, read Danites and blood atonement), but they will pass many draconian laws on alcohol and tobacco and waste a lot of money trying to keep gays from marrying.  The last, marriage equality, is what I'm going to talk about in this post.

For the past several months my Facebook page and the internet has been buzzing about marriage equality.  Also about the woman who was just excommunicated from the church for starting Ordain Women. org, but that is another post, although similar to this one.  I am going to explain why I think that same sex marriage is a forgone conclusion in the United States.  I am also going to explain to those who think that same sex marriage is wrong that they are fighting the wrong fight and picking the wrong battle.

I think that for the most part, being homosexual is something that you are born with, and not a choice.  I will not argue that there are people who choose to be homosexual, but I believe that those people are the minority of the total population of homosexual people.  Everybody who is older than 20 years old knows someone who has come out and stated that they are homosexual that was a surprise to no one.  We all know kids that we grew up with that when we found out that they are gay we were not surprised at all.  Besides, who would choose to be a part of a minority that is discriminated against and who is judged and picked on? However, whether they choose or are born, it really doesn't matter.  The courts have said that laws that make homosexual activity illegal are not constitutional.  (Also the laws against fornication, adultery, cohabiting without being married, and sodomy have all been struck down.)

When you ask a person who is against same sex marriage why they oppose it, you may get several answers. I will try to address as many as I can and explain why they do not and will not stand up in the courts of law.

1. They don't need to be married, when they can have all the same rights with a civil union that the courts recognize.

Many people feel this way and it kind of cracks me up.  This argument comes down to basically fighting a fight over semantics.  These people have no problem (or at least say they don't) with people living together as a married couple and having all the rights of married couples, they just don't want them to have the word "married."  They are willing to protest, give money, and much more over the definition of a word.  As long as the same sex couple doesn't call their arrangement "marriage" the people who use this defense don't have a problem.  Would they be OK with same sex marriage as long as they say marriage in another language? Maybe if those who desire a same sex marriage just called it a mutual ball and chain ceremony, then these people wouldn't have a problem.  

2.  The bible says it is wrong.

Now this one really makes me laugh to no end.  Talk about quote mining.  The bible in Leviticus doesn't say that same sex marriage is wrong.  It says that if a man lies with a man (i.e. homosexual relations) then you have to kill them both by stoning.  Why isn't anyone really politicking for the death penalty for homosexuals. I mean if we are going to follow the bible we should follow the bible.  Furthermore here are some more lovely tidbits from the bible in the same book. If you are on your period then you shouldn't be around anyone for 10 days. (On second thought, for some women with PMS, this may not be a bad idea)  You aren't allowed to wear two different types of cloth at the same time.  Bacon is right out.  Premarital sex, adultery, living together without being married are all death sentences.  Rape is OK, as long as you marry the woman you raped right after.  Disrespect your mom or dad, death.  There are some really disturbing and foul things that are done in the bible because God says to do them.  Maybe we shouldn't use that particular book as the end all be all for deciding how we are going to let people live.  Because, in all honesty, according to the bible, there are a lot of people who should be killed immediately.

3.  Children do better in a traditional home life.

This is an absolute fact.  There have been any number of studies that prove this.  That being said, it is also a fact that children do better in a loving environment, no matter what relationship the people in that environment are in, compared to foster care or an orphanage.  My argument is that as long as we still have a broken foster care system and orphanages around the world, can we really be picky about who is willing to take the kids in and give them a loving home?

Besides, this argument assumes that same sex marriage is a zero sum game.  Well, we aren't going to let the gays marry.  The gays will obviously respond by saying, "Dang! Well, I better go and find myself a wife and raise some children in a stable and loving environment that we call the traditional family."  Not going to happen.  Homosexual men have taken themselves out of the game the minute they come out of the closet. They aren't going to marry and start a traditional family, so in reality, letting them marry one another doesn't lessen the pool of those who are going to start a traditional family.  I would further argue that lessening the stigma about coming out  for those people who are homosexual may help the traditional family. We all know people or have heard stories of the guy or girl who gets divorced and tears the family apart, because they have come out of the closet.  These people felt that they had to hide their true self and in the process complicated the situation by living a lie and now have an ex and children that no longer have a mother or a father.  Had they felt more comfortable about themselves, and had another option, maybe they wouldn't have gone down a road that they eventually felt they couldn't live and many a sorrow would never have happened.

If we allow gays to marry, people will be marrying their dogs or horses next.

This is just effing stupid.  This argument hurts the anti-gay marriage crowd immensely. Is a dog or horse recognized as a person under the law?  Can a dog or horse agree to a contract and be a party to a contract?  No, no they aren't and no they can't. Never go full retard bro.  Never go full retard.

5.  The State should be able to define what marriage is.

Here we get into the nuts and bolts of the situation.  The legal nitty gritty.  The judicial mumbo jumbo.  And to be frank, where I think the opponents to same sex marriage have really missed the boat.  The pro same sex marriage crowd argue that the State doesn't have the right to limit marriage, because by doing so they take away the civil liberties of a class of people.  They argue that this issue is no different from the old laws that made interracial marriage illegal.  The other side immediately says that the two are not the same as one was based on race which can't be helped, and the other is based on sexual preference, which is a choice. The heart of this argument is whether or not homosexuality is a choice or not.  I have already given you my opinion on this.  Even saying it is a choice, I still don't think that the State can say no.  Here's why.

The State gives benefits and recognition to marriage.  These are "rights" that currently are only given to a certain portion of the citizens.  A small portion of citizens do not have these rights or protections. A century or so ago, these rights would have been to promote the population to grow and to increase the size base of the citizenry. However, with people currently talking about overcrowding and the desire we have to close the border, I think we are good on the population front.  Also, with over 7 billion humans on this Earth, I don't think we are in danger of extinction any time soon. So telling a portion of the tax paying citizens of this country that they are not able to have the same rights that are afforded to other citizens by the government is discriminatory by its very nature. And that is the reason why right now the same sex marriage proponents are batting 1000 on the law suits, no matter how conservative the state is.  And that is also the reason why I feel that the people against same sex marriage aren't even fighting the correct fight.

The true problem is that government is involved in marriage.  Why does the government have any say at all in my marriage?  Isn't it a pact between me and another person?  Why do I have to get a license to get married? Why do I have to ask the state's permission and pay a fee to marry someone?  As soon as the government started to be the bestow-er of marriages, it was a forgone conclusion that same sex marriage was going to be the law of the land.  The government can't pick and choose who it will allow to marry.  The Constitution's equal protection clause won't allow it. I should be able to marry whomever I want.  In a church of my choosing, or common law style by just getting a woman to agree that we are married.  Then, if I want to have the government recognize my marriage for any benefits involved, then my significant other and myself should go down to the clerk's office, fill out a form and affirm that we are married.  Done deal.

Finally, I come back to what I started this blog with.  My motto as a Libertarian.  Do you have any idea what happened to me when I woke up a while back and found out that the Supreme Court had struck down many important provisions of the Defense of Marriage Act?  Do you know how my life changed?  The answer is nothing, not a thing.  My life didn't change.  Nothing happened to me.  It didn't effect me in the least.  It didn't cost me anything and it did me no harm.  Therefore, I didn't care.

Be brave enough to truly value and embrace freedom.  The Supreme Court has said in regards to the freedom of speech, that it is of necessity (free speech that is) offensive.  And that there would need to be no protection of speech if no one was offended by it.  The same can be said of all of our rights.  We can be offended.  We can not like how someone is living their life.  We can even find it icky.  But we should be willing to defend that person's right to live their life as they see fit.  If it doesn't harm us and we don't have to pay for them to do something that we disagree with, our answer should be, "I don't care."

Isn't there an app for that?

I feel cheated.  I have ever since I was a kid, but especially now that I am an adult.  This sense of unfairness that I have felt may be the over riding reason why I am no longer a believer.  It boils down to one unequivocal statement.  God is stingy.

Let me explain why I feel this way.  Growing up in a religious household, I was taught all the many stories of the Bible and (since I was raised Mormon) the Book of Mormon also.  The Bible primarily, but the Book of Mormon also, is chock full of wonderful miracles that seem to happen on a daily basis to those whom are participating in the narrative.  If you google "Bible Miracles" you will quickly be able to find thousands of web pages that list the hundreds of miracles that the bible describes.  Many of us can name dozens just off the top of our heads.  Some of them are real doozies.  Creation.  That one was huge.  The flood.  The opposite of creation, but still a major undertaking.  Sampson's strength, the vast number of plagues called down on Egypt, the parting of the Red Sea, manna from heaven, being guided by a cloud during the day and a pillar of fire by night, the survival of the three youths (no, I'm not going to spend the time trying to spell their names correctly) from the fiery furnace, turning water to wine, voices from heaven, mass hysteria.  Sorry, started quoting from Ghost Busters there for a minute.

My point is that it would seem that people back in the day were much more likely to be treated to a pretty seriously cool miracle now and again.  When some of your uppity brethren get swallowed up by the earth because they wanted the priesthood and God had already told them no, and then the prophet says the words and the ground opens up and then slams shut on them, that is some faith promoting action right there.  Not to mention entire armies being defeated by angels without the opposing side having to lift a finger.  These types of circumstances would effect entire generations.  I mean, even if you didn't see it, but instead were told by your father or grandfather, it would be something to cause you to meander towards God.

Then we fast forward in time to Christ coming and we see more cool miracles.  Not necessarily so brash as some of the earlier miracles but definitely cool and faith promoting.  Jesus never caused two she bears to come out of the woods and tear up 42 children, but he did raise the dead, cure leprosy, and cause those that were blind since childhood to see.  Pretty good stuff.  Not to mention raising himself from the dead, appearing to his apostles, and if you believe the Book of Mormon, flying across the Atlantic ocean and hanging out with the people of this continent after they have been bumping around in the dark for three days.

Even after Jesus left the scene for good, his apostles still did some pretty cool stuff.  Miracles followed them around also.  But then, nothing much.  The catholic church would sometimes report some small miracle or other, usually a statue bleeding or a person with wounds on their hands that wouldn't heal.  Even the church though, caused these to be investigated thoroughly before they would get behind it.  Then we go a couple of thousand years with not much happening.  Enter Joseph Smith.  I have hope again.  If you believe the press there was some pretty good miracles that happened around the early part of 1800s.  Of course, the best ones were only witnessed by one or two people at a time, so even though Joseph claimed to see God and Jesus, it doesn't have the same impact as a million people seeing the Red Sea part.  Still, we may be getting something going.

But then, not so much.  After Joseph was killed the miracles dried up.  Revelations stopped coming for the most part and the modern day prophets aren't even close.  Joseph supposedly received the news right from God himself, having many revelations pertaining to both weighty spiritual matters as well as when people should sell their farms.  God was active in the lives of his saints and things were going to be great (unless you count the constantly having to migrate somewhere else because you had pissed off the local population, and your leaders were constantly getting arrested, but other than that, good times.)

Today, when asked, the modern prophet, the president of the church, to whom I always knew was the man that actually talked face to face with God and Jesus, will say that they don't actually talk to God, or have even seen him face to face, but instead get feelings and impressions as to what to do.  Feelings?  Impressions?  Really?  Why is God being so stingy with his miracles and face time?  We are told over and over that these are the last days, and they are tough.  So why is it when the going gets tough, that God stops.  Wouldn't it make more sense to step up the hard sell now that there is so much that is competing for our attention.  I mean, the modern devices that we use would have been considered miraculous by ancient standards, but were created by man, not God.  If God wants to compete he needs to get his own app or something.  I mean, compared to what he has done in the past, how hard would it be for a pillar of fire to come down and shake everything up around here?  Maybe a voice from heaven saying "Knock that shit off!"  I'm just saying, that I feel cheated.  I think that God doesn't care anymore.  Maybe it's possible that we have created our own miracles so much that God doesn't want to compete.  Maybe sheep herders a few thousand years ago were easy to impress.  Is it possible that God fears that even if he were to fire up the old miracle machine again, that we would be so busy playing with our various electronic devices that we wouldn't even notice?  Or would we just say, "big deal, I've got an app for that?"

Objection! Hearsay!

Human beings are interesting creatures.  I mean, comparatively speaking they have one of the largest brains in all the animal kingdom.  It allows us to do some really remarkable things.  Our imagination has been able to get us to the moon and and we have sent probes to beyond our own solar system.  We have cured many diseases that shortened the lives of our progenitors and have come up with vaccinations against many diseases that would wipe out large numbers of our children even just a hundred years ago.  Truly, we have made and are still making huge leaps in learning and bettering our lives collectively.  

Of course, our imagination also has a downside to it.  We seem to be hard wired with the capacity to believe two completely different ideas at the same time.  People of various religions will believe in the creation story and the idea that the animals of today were created exactly as they are now, but at the same time absolutely believe in dinosaurs and that other animals have been on the Earth for hundreds of millions of years.  For some, these two opposing ideas will eventually cause too much cognitive dissonance and one idea will die an ugly death.  Usually, if an idea is to die, it will be that one which has the less physical evidence supporting it.  I don't know for sure, but I suspect that there are more atheists who were once religious than the other way around.  

It seems to me that our modern society is more cynical than the societies that came before.  You will hear children playing and one child will say, "Oh yeah, prove it!"  From prospectuses in investing to looking into a business or an idea, we constantly want the proof of what it is that we are being told.  We do our research, we talk to those who have done what it is we want to do, we look for reviews online.  Every product I buy now, will have been researched online for a week or more before I make my purchase.  Online websites will have places where people can put their opinion about a product or service.  The web site "Angie's List" is all about rating and reviewing products and service providers so that people can know what to expect before they shell out the cash.  Now, admittedly much of this relies upon listening to others experience and taking their word for it.  However, they are giving their opinion on something that they actually bought or saw occur. It is a first hand experience that meets with our expectations, and so we attempt to learn by their experience, so that if it wasn't a pleasant experience, we won't repeat it.  

Not so with religion.  For whatever reason, when it comes to religion all of our cynicism melts away.  There must be something in our collective make-up that causes us to put aside our desire for proof when it comes to religion.  Please think about the following scenario.  You meet a man at a party.  He is a really nice guy and seems to be very charismatic.  After short time he tells you that he has personally seen God and talked with him.  God told him to start a church and let everybody know that it was the true church.  He tells you that you will have to make sacrifices and people will probably hate you, but if you do what he says and follow him, the true prophet of God, then you will be saved and be happy forever.  What would you do?  Honestly?  In this modern world most people would try their best to stay polite, but would rapidly start looking for an excuse to put something solid like a kitchen table or a bowl of artichoke dip between them and this nut job.  Everybody would think he was completely nutso.  You'd look to your significant other and start doing the secret "Its Time To Go!  Get Your Shit And Meet Me By The Front Door" look.  

Now, take that same example.  Just put 190 some odd years between it and you  and have a young man tell you that this is what happened a long time ago and for some reason we as humans want to believe it.  So much so that in the last two centuries this church has baptized somewhere between 11 and 13 million people. (I say baptized, because the number of actual active members is probably much less like 4-5 million)  Of course the same could be said for any religion.  The Scriptures that the Christians rely on, the New Testament, was written approximately around 70 AD.  That was about 40 years after Jesus was to have lived and been killed.  Now, if you were to tell me to write down word for word what had occurred last month between me and my wife I wouldn't be able to do it.  So what are the chances, that four disciples of Jesus could write their gospels 40 years afterword and have the words be almost word for word?  And more importantly, Christians rely on these writings to the letter to know what it is that God wants them to do.  Muslims aren't any better, as the Quran was written much later and has the same amount of improbable occurrences that the bible does. (All the Jews being turned into apes and pigs, etc.)

That is really the problem with religion.  The entire basis of religion is hearsay.  In courts of law, hearsay is inadmissible because it is unreliable and you are testifying to what someone else said.  The basis for religion is a bunch of really cool stuff that happened a long time ago to someone else who had been dead for centuries.  No, you can't see a really cool miracle, because you must have faith and believe the hearsay that is being told to you.  Besides which, miracles were only done a long time ago before humans had the capacity to measure and study an occurrence which appears to be impossible, and possibly find out its really just a slight of hand. Yes, yes, God once spoke from the clouds so that everybody who heard it would know without a doubt what his intentions were, but that is because the people in the olden days were complete morons and needed that kind of encouragement.  I mean, the Old Testament is chock full of stories about how the people had to know who was in charge and leading them, and they rebelled anyway.  Complete imbeciles.  We of course in modern times should be able to cast our doubts aside and listen to our feelings and come to the conclusion that religion is right.  No voices or pillars of fire for us.  We have feelings.  Of course, that doesn't help when I get teary eyed at some beer commercials.  Does that mean that I should recognize the truthfulness of Budweiser?  Maybe.   

 

Now that would be one really big rock.

Have you ever heard the philosophical questions about God?  You know, about if God is all powerful, can he make a boulder so big that even he couldn't lift it?  Or, the ever famous, is there anything that God can't do?  In the scriptures, we read that God can do anything.  That all things are possible with God.  Of course, upon further examination, this is obviously not true.  So, what is it that God can't do?  The answer to that will become apparent later.  But first, let me tell you a story.

Once upon a time there was a boy named Ever Y. Mann.  He was constantly worried.  His over riding fear was that he knew that he was going to be punished for something he had done.  He didn't know when, or whether it would be tomorrow or not for decades yet, but he knew that he was going to be punished sooner or later.  This worried him a lot because he also knew that the punishment was going to be terrible.  He wasn't exactly sure what he had done that was so terrible, but he knew that he wasn't perfect, and therefore punishment awaited him.  He had also been told by his parents that one of the main reasons he had to be punished was that his sister had done something really bad before he was even born and that his parents were super angry about it.  The only reason that they had even had children was so that the children would love them and obey them always.  But now, since Ever's older sister had messed up, punishment was going to be handed out and in abundance too.  That is why Ever was so worried.

What had Ever's older sister done that was so bad?  She had eaten a piece of fruit out of the refrigerator that her father had specifically forbidden her to eat.  I know.  A terrible transgression that deserves the ultimate price to be paid.  (DinoJesus knows that if one of my kids eats the left over pizza that I put away for lunch the next day, punishment will be swift and there will be great wailing and gnashing of teeth.)

So, there Ever sits.  Waiting for the punishment to happen.  He is worried.  But then a miracle happens.  Ever's parents come to him and tell him of the actions they took to get him out of this terrible bind that his sister has caused him.  You see, because Ever's parents love him so much, they took his older brother, who was a middle child and tortured him.  This was before Ever was born also.  They took him and they tortured him with unspeakable tortures.  For three days they had him in a closet and he was made to suffer terribly.  At the end of three days, they took him out of the closet and he was never seen again.  (Although a bed sheet that may or may not have an image on it and some fluid was found and hung on a wall in Turin.)  Ever's parents told him that they had done this for him so that they wouldn't have to punish him for his sister's mistakes and any that he might have made also.  It was a big, all encompassing punishment to end all punishments.  The only thing that Ever has to do is accept this punishment that was done on his behalf and all would be as it should be.  Oh, and he had to try to be good and worth the sacrifice that his brother had paid for him and his sister.  What a great plan.

Can you imagine if we tried to emulate this type of plan in our own justice system?  Do you think anyone would find it satisfactory?  "I'm sorry sir, I understand that you are the designated driver, but since your friend there got himself intoxicated and unable to drive, we are going to take you to jail to pay for his intoxication."  "Well Ma'am, I can certainly tell that you are abused by your husband, and he admitted to us that he has beaten you tonight, so we took the dog outside and shot it.  That should pay the price for your husbands transgressions against you."  Why were we so happy when Osama Bin Ladin was finally killed?  Shouldn't we have been satisfied by any innocent civilian collateral damage that might have taken place during the almost 10 years of looking for him?  No.  Justice demanded that the person who committed the offense pay for it.  Of course, mercy can come in to play also.  If an individual is nice enough or Christian enough or Dinosaurian enough, they could forgive the person who committed a trespass against them.  In the modern day parlance, "No victim, no crime."  If someone will forgive the person who hurt them, there is no further need of retribution.

So, have you guessed the one thing that God can't do?  He can't forgive.  The Mormon Scripture of D&C 64:10 says

"I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men."

This scripture is misleading.  It implies that if God wants to he will forgive you.  That is of course not true.  You see, evidently God can not simply forgive ANYONE without SOMEONE paying a price for it.  So maybe he will forgive you your sins, but only if you agree to the sacrifice that he already had done for an innocent to pay the price for your sins.  God is incapable of simple forgiveness for mercy's sake alone.  He needed blood for him to be able to do it.  I guess God isn't Omnipotent after all.  What next?  Am I going to find out that a tree falling in the forest with no witnesses really doesn't make a sound?

Redemption of tortilla chips, or the true reason for hell.

One of life's greatest pleasures, for me at least, is the ability to indulge now and again.  One of the greatest snack inventions ever created is the tortilla chip.  Give me a large bag of tortilla chips, a quality salsa, and the  possibly some cheese and I am in Hog Heaven.

Sometimes, however, the left overs in a bag of tortilla chips can become a little stale.  This is a result of moisture getting into the chip.  Any true lover of tortilla chips will be able to tell you that this is not a problem.  You simply have to throw the chips on a cookie sheet in the oven at 350 degrees for 10 minutes or so and, viola, crunchy, warm chips.

Recently, I was fixing my stale chip problem when it popped in to my head that I was redeeming the chips.  They had fallen from their ideal and perfect form and had become stale and undesirable.  Circumstances had caused them to become something that they were not meant to be. (I am going to give the chips the benefit of the doubt and assume that they had no choice in the matter.  I would hate to think that they would purposely choose to fall to such a lowly state.  I mean, it's not like they are Eve or anything.)  As I popped them in the oven, I began to think that maybe this culinary trick of tortilla redemption could be applied to the reason people believe there is a Hell.

Most Christians believe in Hell, and Mormons believe in paying for ones own sins.  What about if the fires of Hell aren't just a metaphor, but are actually necessary.  I mean, the Mormons say that we had to come here to get experience, and that those types of challenges weren't available to us in the preexistence.  Like a sterile laboratory, our home in the preexistence had no sin or temptation, so we wouldn't have been able to learn about those things there.  Just like the bag of chips that keeps it's crunchy goodness while still in the bag, once the bag is open (i.e., we are born and come to this world) the chips start to get stale.  The more humidity, the staler the chip will get.  And the more sin we get into, the more "stale" we get.  And, as my lovely wife pointed out, the best sins have a tendency to be moist.

So, there it is.  We have gotten stale and moist and have got to be redeemed in the fires of Hell to get the moisture out.  Even though I am no longer a believer, I can't think of any other reason that a kind, loving, all powerful Heavenly Father would send so many of his children to suffer such unspeakable torment, unless it was to redeem us to crunchiness again.  My only fear it that upon coming out the other side, I'm going to be smothered in cheese and find myself next to a large side of Salsa.  I understand that DinoJesus likes his nachos.

What does a man have to do to be cursed around here?

I am white.  I am really white.  I am the pasty color of Elmer's Glue.  Sometimes, I would argue that not only am I white, but somewhat transparent also.  I do not tan.  I am capable of being two colors.  Red and white.  Insomuch as red is uncomfortable, I try to stay white.  I have considered buying stock in various sun screen companies as I am one of their major customers and felt it would be only right that I at least have some small say in how they do business.  I hope to have been clear in what I am trying to say.  I am white.  

I used to joke around with people when I was teased about my exceeding whiteness.  I would say it was because I was so virtuous and righteous.  I would point out that when we are all resurrected and have gone to live in heaven, we would all be whiter then I presently am.  I just wouldn't have so far to go to obtain the pearly color of a perfected immortal being.  

I used to feel that my color was one of the burdens I would have to bear.  That it was just a trial that I would have to cope with.  Now that I'm not doing the whole church thing anymore, and in fact are no longer even a believer of the divine, I'm starting to feel a little cheated.  

The Book of Mormon is quite clear about what happens to those who rebel against God and do not keep his commandments which they have been given.

In the first book of Nephi, chapter 12 verse 23 in the BOM it says:

And it came to pass that I beheld, after they had dwindled in unbelief they became a dark, and loathsome, and a filthy people, full of idleness and all manner of abominations.  

And in the book of Alma chapter 3 verse 6 its says:

And the skins of the Lamanites were dark, according to the mark which was set upon their fathers, which was a curse upon them because of their transgression and their rebellion against their brethren, who consisted of Nephi, Jacob, and Joseph, and Sam, who were just and holy men.

And lastly, the second book of Nephi (there are actually 4, but they are all different people at different times.  I guess the ancient people of the Americas weren't very imaginative.  Actually, now that I come to think about it, this tradition continues to this day.  Just look at the Latino American use of the name Jesus) chapter 5 verse 21:

And he had caused the cursing to come upon them, yea, even a sore cursing, because of their iniquity. For behold, they had hardened their hearts against him, that they had become like unto a flint; wherefore, as they were white, and exceedingly fair and delightsome, that they might not be enticing unto my people the Lord God did cause a skin of blackness to come upon them.

So.  There you have it.  They were exceedingly fair and delightsome (like I am now) and they rebelled against God and to prevent them from enticing his righteous people, God made them black.  Or at least a nice cocoa brown.  

WTF?  I was one of the chosen.  I have rebelled.  I am currently, even as I am writing this, enticing the people of God to other paths.  (These are wide and curvy and much easier to walk, with some pleasant scenery and hedges, as well as the occasional scantily clad jogger going by on the other side.) Where the hell is my cursing?  I want to be cursed with dark skin.  I want to be able to play in the sun and be full of idleness, as well as possibly participating in some or all manner of abominations.  I mean, am I supposed to take these "scriptures" seriously or what?  I would think that a fair God would spread his curses around in a just and even handed manner.  What more do I have to do to wake up with a nice caramel coloring to my skin?

I guess what I am trying to say is this:  Summer is right around the corner.  Being able to be out in the sun for more than 20 minutes without suffering for it would really be awesome.  I have heard that money is a curse and I have been asking to be cursed with that for decades.  So, God, I will leave it up to you.  Money or a tan.  Choose you this day whom you will curse, as for me and my household, we'll take either.  

Satan needs a publicist.

This blog was contributed by my younger sibling.  It's becoming quite the family affair.

Growing up I would often hear tantalizing and horrifying stories of disobedient, prideful, and sinful people and their close encounters with “the adversary”, Satan, that old snake, even Lucifer!  Being a good LDS child I knew that the Devil was real, and that he was doing everything in his power to corrupt those people who walked too far from the light.  Stories of Ouija boards leading to Satan knocking at the door, or disobedient girls dancing with a handsome boy looking down to see cloven hoofs only cemented my already firm belief that the Devil was real and at work in our lives.  There he lurked, at the edge of the light, tempting us to step closer so he could grab us into sin and evil.

You see, to the LDS (Latter-Day Saints: Mormons) Satan is a real and ever present force.  The LDS church teaches that in the “pre-existence” our pre-mortal life, Satan was one of the good guys, a much revered older brother who was second only to Jesus when it came to the love of the Father, God.  When it came time to decide how to get this whole “life and creation” thing done, two plans were put forth, one from Jesus, one from Satan.

Satan’s plan was quite simple: knowing that god couldn’t have unclean things near him in heaven (allergies I guess), and knowing that having a body is a prime way to get dirty, Satan proposed that he would make sure that everyone played nice and got along in the earth life so that they could all return.  For his hard work, he expected to get a little love from those he saved, you know, fist bumps in the hallway, high fives from Jesus, the usual.

Jesus, on the other hand, had a plan for creation that was much different.  Jesus thought that we should all enter life with no knowledge of any kind, unaware of our pre-existence.  We would then be left adrift in a sea of competing ideas with no clear understanding of who we are and what we are doing.  While there would be no “hell” per se, the only way you could reach the highest degree of heaven, and truly fulfill your eternal potential was if you happened to find one small religion that was started in upstate New York, got married, and went through some rituals that rather resemble Masonry.  You see, you had to learn good from evil on your own.  You had to experience bad and good in order to truly reach your potential.  Oh and by the way, the Glory would go to the Father, God. Jesus, you see, has no need for high fives.

For some reason the perfect creator, the all loving father, decided that we would go with Jesus’ plan.

Then Satan and 1/3 the host of heaven were cast out for a small disagreement over this plan.

And so Satan began his career of trying to entice people into evil, to foil the plans of Celestial Daddy and Big Brother Jesus.  Thus, the stories of Satan’s appearances.

It was only when I got much older that I realized that in every story, in every example, the appearance of the devil had the same effect on the protagonist of the story.  It drove them straight to church or to God to repent of their wicked ways.  It occurred to me that Satan is not working up to his potential.  If he is trying to foil the plans of God, he needs to try some different tactics, use some brains, work smarter not harder.  The way to defeat any enemy is to look at what they are trying to accomplish and defeat their goals.  I have an idea for Satan, just to start him out.

Because you must know good from evil to pass this mortal test, stop people from knowing evil.

If Satan really wanted to foil the plans of God, he would tempt people to do good, not evil.  If every person in the world were to constantly be tempted to do good to each other as hard as we are tempted to masturbate, view pornography, and kill hookers in dark alleys, most people would go through life without ever having to experience evil.  God would be left with emotionally and ethically stunted candidates for Godhood.  Heaven would be like BYU.

If Satan were to follow the above idea, he’d just need to make sure they know it’s him who is helping them out. 

While it might be fine for Jesus to give the thanks to God (even though he did all the work) it would be dishonest for anyone whom Satan helped save to give the glory to God.  I mean, God kicked him out and he still is trying to help?  That would be no thanks to God, but in spite of him.  Everyone one who was brought before the judgment seat of God would be forced to admit that that they couldn’t have done it without Satan.  They would have no need of atonement from Christ and so would have no need to thank him.  Christ would then have no thanks to pass on to Papa.  Satan would get the Glory.

The only way for God to teach these people to know good from evil would be if he tempted them to do evil, and really, is that the kind of God you want to worship?