Judge you, you judging judger!

I haven't written a blog for a while, and for that I truly apologize.  You see, like everybody else, life gets busy and we drift into other pursuits, and to be honest, I just haven't seen anything that would really make DinoJesus roar lately (See my first blog to understand DinoJesus better).  It's all been kinda blah.  That was until recently when the faithful in Utah have reared their ugly head and DinoJesus has once again become attracted to the rotting carrion which the local Shiite Mormons sometimes become. 

Let us consume this meal in chronological order.  First, Utah, like many states, has a law called the Utah Clean Air Act, which forbids you from smoking within 25' of a building.  No big deal right?  Of course for the Mormon Taliban, that is not enough.  For you see there is a new bill in the legislature to include hookahs and electronic cigarettes in the law.  How many people have you seen walking around with a large glass hookah to smoke their tobacco?  Is this really a problem?  No, it is not.  However, the idea that people can go into a "Hookah Bar" and smoke drives the righteous crazy.  And since some dork in Hurricane, Utah (Pronounce huricun) is a member of the Utah Legislature, by golly he will fix their wagon.  Nobody goes in to a Hookah Bar and is surprised that people are smoking.  Except, of course, for the Ward Mission Leader who was just going in there looking for a prostitute.  (Don't laugh, I've seen worse.)

Then of course there is the electronic cigarette.  This device delivers nicotine to smokers in a way that they feel like they are smoking.  The only thing that they are breathing out though is water vapor.  I'm not a smoker, but I will let my friend that do smoke do so in my house if they are using "e" cigarettes, because there is NO smoke.  No stench.  No health hazard to me or my dog.  So now the Utah Legislature is basically trying to outlaw clouds.  Water vapor is bad.  They started out by arguing that second hand smoke is bad for the public and people can somewhat get behind that.  Now we see what is really going on.  It isn't a health concern so much as they are trying to outlaw the "appearance of evil."  All anyone has to do to see how this stupidity works is to examine the Utah liquor laws.  Dumb. (See previous blogs for more details)

Now let me move on to the main course of this scavenger's feast.  Utah has made the national news again.  Why you might ask?  Because some supposed christian at BYU decided to be a Judger.  Before I get into the details let me make an aside.  Recently on facebook, the following picture has been going around from all my Mormon acquaintances. 

It's kind of witty in a "you have to be Mormon to get this joke" kind or way.  I only have one problem with it.  In the bottom left corner it shows two missionaries and states that this is the way atheists see Mormons.  I think that is incorrect.  I think the picture below is how atheist (at least this one for sure) see Mormons.

Now to the details.  On Valentine's day, a young woman who attends BYU was studying at one of the buildings on campus.  A young man (Judger!) came up and gave her a note.  She at first thought it was a love note and she thought it was cute.  Oh, but not so fast.  It was a judger note.  Evidently the young harlot was dressed so provocatively that this young christian soldier felt the need to straighten her out in no uncertain terms.  It was done not only for her own good, but to protect the chastity and righteousness of all the other young men (and women) in the nearby vicinity.  Thank DinoJesus this man acted quickly, bravely and selflessly to protect everyone's virtue.  Below is a picture of the note and what the young skank was wearing.

Oh what a foul temptress she is.  You can almost see her wrists for indecency's sake.  In case you can't read the note she was given, I have included the quote for your enjoyment.

"You may want to consider that what you're wearing has a negative effect on men (and women) around you.  Many people come to this university because they feel safe morally as well as physically here.  They expect others to abide by the Honor Code that we all agreed to.  Please consider your commitment to the Honor Code (which you agreed to) when dressing each day.  Thank you."

This very attitude is one of the things that allowed me to start questioning the religion that I was raised in.  Not because I was offended or had sinned, but because I couldn't understand how a church that supposedly was the only true church of Christ on earth could foster such an amazing number of Judgers and create in people the feeling that they are never good enough.  That they never can do enough.  That they must create a facade around them so that other members will think that they are perfect, so that they won't be judged.  When my spouse left the church she stated that the greatest thing that she received (besides an extra day off and a 10% pay raise) was that she no longer had a feeling of guilt or inadequacy.  That she could just be the person she wanted to be in the best way she knew how and be happy. 

The Mormon churche's problem isn't the missionaries out in the field.  It is the Judge Dredds back home that stink the place up.  They need to remember that in the last days, all such shall be blasted by the roar of DinoJesus and feel the teeth of righteous anger pierce them to the very core.  So let it be written, so (I would wish) let it be done.

 

We are all gunna die. Or Fly. Or Maybe not

If you have not read the origins of DinoJesus this blog written by the eldest sibling may not make much sense.  Please click on February on the right and read that blog before you read this one.  Then all shall be made plain.


Those of us that are followers of the three-toed path, know that much of the myths and legends ascribed to the other Major religions are derived from the truth of DinoJesus.  However, it is rare indeed to find such blatant theft of ideas as the evangelical idea of "The Rapture."  For those that have never heard this inane idea, the scriptural reference the Evangelicals use to promote their belief is found in the "Bible."

1 Thessalonains 4

16  For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with a voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first:

17  Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord.

Our evangelical friends take this passage to mean that they will be swept up to meet with the Human Jesus in the clouds, while all the sinners (people who are not evangelical) will be ...(dramatic music, Dum, Dum, Dum)..left below.

Followers of DinoJesus however, may recognize this revisionism, if not down right plagiarism.  In the one and only true scripture, the Bibliosaura, or Book of the Lizard, we can find the genesis of the idea behind "The Rapture."  I have included the original as translated into English below:

1 Theropods 4

16  For DinoJesus himself shall descend from heaven with a mighty roar, yea even with the voice of the James Earl Jones, and with much gnashing of teeth: and the dead in the natural history museum shall rise first:

17  Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the DinoJesus in the air: and so shall we be, even as the Raptors.

We of course know this event is rightly called "The Raptor."  We do not have the full knowledge of whether we will be as happy as the Raptors, or literally be transformed into Raptors, to feast on the flesh of the unbelievers.  This is unimportant for our current understanding.  All we need to know is what all non flying species have always known.  You don't want to be left below a large group of flying creatures.  It will almost assuredly be a shitty time. 

In the Beginning. Or, the origins of DinoJesus

This first blog will be the background for how I came to understand the existence of Dinosaur (Dino for short) Jesus.  I am convinced that I and the other followers of DinoJesus are on the right track, and have discovered the truth.  I will now attempt to enlighten those who have ears to hear and eyes to see, and the true believers who wish to know the mysteries of the Universe.

Growing up in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (hereafter referred to as the Mormons) led me to believe that I understood all the important questions of life.  Who was I?  Where did I come from?  Where was I going?  When was I allowed to date?  How close could I dance to the girls at the monthly dances?  I KNEW the answer to all of these questions and was quite content to go through life knowing that God would take care of me and anything that happened in my life was part of the bigger plan and was meant to be.  

As I grew up though, I began to have questions that were not so easily answered.  Even when I would ask those persons older and wiser than me, I would only get nebulous statements about how that wasn't important to my salvation, or that all would be revealed in time, or my favorite; "Why are you bugging me with this nonsense?  Get the heck out of here."  There were many questions that I had.  Later posts to this blog will deal with some of the questions that I had and the answers I found.  However, for now, I will focus on the primary question.  What about the dinosaurs.  

In the Mormon church, and indeed in Christendom itself, it is taught that God created Adam and Eve and all the animals in a 6 day (time period) orgy of creativity.  Furthermore, Adam and Eve lived with the animals in the Garden of Eden and were given lordship and dominion over them.  There was no death in the world until the fall of Adam (brought on by Eve, but that is another topic for another day).  The lion and the lamb lived peacefully together until such time as our ultimate father and mother were given the boot.  Then of course it was on like Donkey Kong and animals started to eat each other, and weeds grew instead of fruit trees and the blasted mosquito decided it needed blood to exist while at the same time helping out God with the whole "afflict and torment man" bit.  

Hence, the problem.  Anyone who has walked through a natural history museum will come across the remains of some rather large animals that people call dinosaurs.  Where did they come from?  I mean, my bible says the earth has only been around for 6-7000 years, so where did they go?  Why didn't they eat all the other animals like elephants and such and survive.  And how come those pesky scientist say they are 65 million years old?  That is impossible, because that would mean that millions of species lived and DIED on the earth before Adam and Eve.  But I know from my teachings in church that death came into the world as a direct result of the FALL OF ADAM.  So, as you can see I had myself a pretty big question and no one to answer it for me.  

Some apologists for the Mormon church, (people who have never heard of Occam's Razor and who enjoy coming up with the most convoluted reasons possible to explain away a question) stated that it may be that the fossils of the dinosaurs found didn't come from this planet at all, but were from another planet, or planets, whose material was used to form this earth.  Do we not know that God and the Word saw that there was matter unorganized and so used that matter to create the earth?  That matter may have been where the dinosaurs lived and so their bones were in the ground when the earth was made.  

Wow.  Wow.  This led me to thoughts I had never experienced before.  I decided to overlook the obvious thought of why God/Jesus/Michael-Adam would go to all the trouble when making the world to make sure that all the fossils from the previous world were layered in such a way as to completely and totally confuse the poor humans that would dig them up.  I immediately thought of what I had been taught about this world from the Mormon Church.  We are made in God's image.  He provided a savior for us so we could return to him.  All creatures great and small will be resurrected in the last days.  This is necessary for Jesus' sacrifice to be complete.  If even one being who was alive was not resurrected, then death would still hold victory.  Therefore, everything must resurrect.  Not only that, but the Mormon Church has an article of faith that states that in the end of days the earth will be transformed to a paradise where the good will live.  The very world we are on will be resurrected and made perfect for ever and ever.  

Now you may start seeing the problem.  What about the dinosaurs?  They came from a different world.  A world that was in part or possible wholly used in the creation of this world. Were they not also created in their creator's image?  This Dino World would have a Dino God.  And, since I was taught that the Plan of Salvation (God makes you spiritually then physically, sends you to earth, perfects you if you're Mormon, you become a God, create your own children and worlds, etc, etc) is eternal and the same throughout the universe, said Dino World would also need a savior.  A DinoJesus.  But obviously things went terribly wrong.  

Hold on to your hats folks, for now we get in to the deep stuff.  Mormons and some other Christians talk about a war in heaven where Lucifer was cast out.  Maybe this is really a metaphor for something completely different.  Lucifer was known as the great serpent or dragon.  The very word dinosaur means terrible lizard.  In other words, a great dragon.  Isn't it possible that the story of the war in heaven isn't about rebellious spirits in the preexistence, but instead is about a war for possession of matter that was in the possession of DinoGod and DinoJesus, but that was needed to create this world for the humans.  Is it any surprise that we humans have always fought wars on this earth for resources?  Maybe we are only following the example of our creator.  

It becomes plain that DinoJesus would not have stood a chance against Human Jesus.  With a brain the size of a walnut, and no opposable thumbs, as well as tragically short arms, he was done before the war even began. Millions of creatures will never be resurrected because their world was taken in a hostile land grab.  Their world will not become a paradise where they can live, both plant eater and meat eater, in peace and love.  All those creatures that have died will not get perfected bodies again but will be trapped in the spirit world.  Needless to say, this does not diminish the divinity of DinoJesus.  And maybe, just maybe, some kind of arrangment can be agreed upon later.  All things will be made clear to us in the last days I'm sure.  I for one, look forward to seeing DinoJesus and feeling the teeth holes in his side.