Wednesday, April 27, 2011

What does a man have to do to be cursed around here?

I am white.  I am really white.  I am the pasty color of Elmer's Glue.  Sometimes, I would argue that not only am I white, but somewhat transparent also.  I do not tan.  I am capable of being two colors.  Red and white.  Insomuch as red is uncomfortable, I try to stay white.  I have considered buying stock in various sun screen companies as I am one of their major customers and felt it would be only right that I at least have some small say in how they do business.  I hope to have been clear in what I am trying to say.  I am white.  

I used to joke around with people when I was teased about my exceeding whiteness.  I would say it was because I was so virtuous and righteous.  I would point out that when we are all resurrected and have gone to live in heaven, we would all be whiter then I presently am.  I just wouldn't have so far to go to obtain the pearly color of a perfected immortal being.  

I used to feel that my color was one of the burdens I would have to bear.  That it was just a trial that I would have to cope with.  Now that I'm not doing the whole church thing anymore, and in fact are no longer even a believer of the divine, I'm starting to feel a little cheated.  

The Book of Mormon is quite clear about what happens to those who rebel against God and do not keep his commandments which they have been given.

In the first book of Nephi, chapter 12 verse 23 in the BOM it says:
And it came to pass that I beheld, after they had dwindled in unbelief they became a dark, and loathsome, and a filthy people, full of idleness and all manner of abominations.  
And in the book of Alma chapter 3 verse 6 its says:
And the skins of the Lamanites were dark, according to the mark which was set upon their fathers, which was a curse upon them because of their transgression and their rebellion against their brethren, who consisted of Nephi, Jacob, and Joseph, and Sam, who were just and holy men.
And lastly, the second book of Nephi (there are actually 4, but they are all different people at different times.  I guess the ancient people of the Americas weren't very imaginative.  Actually, now that I come to think about it, this tradition continues to this day.  Just look at the Latino American use of the name Jesus) chapter 5 verse 21:

And he had caused the cursing to come upon them, yea, even a sore cursing, because of their iniquity. For behold, they had hardened their hearts against him, that they had become like unto a flint; wherefore, as they were white, and exceedingly fair and delightsome, that they might not be enticing unto my people the Lord God did cause a skin of blackness to come upon them.
So.  There you have it.  They were exceedingly fair and delightsome (like I am now) and they rebelled against God and to prevent them from enticing his righteous people, God made them black.  Or at least a nice cocoa brown.  
WTF?  I was one of the chosen.  I have rebelled.  I am currently, even as I am writing this, enticing the people of God to other paths.  (These are wide and curvy and much easier to walk, with some pleasant scenery and hedges, as well as the occasional scantily clad jogger going by on the other side.) Where the hell is my cursing?  I want to be cursed with dark skin.  I want to be able to play in the sun and be full of idleness, as well as possibly participating in some or all manner of abominations.  I mean, am I supposed to take these "scriptures" seriously or what?  I would think that a fair God would spread his curses around in a just and even handed manner.  What more do I have to do to wake up with a nice caramel coloring to my skin?
I guess what I am trying to say is this:  Summer is right around the corner.  Being able to be out in the sun for more than 20 minutes without suffering for it would really be awesome.  I have heard that money is a curse and I have been asking to be cursed with that for decades.  So, God, I will leave it up to you.  Money or a tan.  Choose you this day whom you will curse, as for me and my household, we'll take either.  

No comments:

Post a Comment